This is my blog post

August is almost over. Shin and I started another TOFEL class. I've been writing a grant for my church's after school tutoring program.

We went to Atlanta and visited my dad one weekend and went to GA aquarium. My friend from Atl visited me for the first time in Montgomery and we ate delicious red velvet cupcakes.

I have been tutoring and actually increased my hours even though I'd rather decrease. We've been driving across town, picking up 4 kids, bringing them to church, and taking them home every Wednesday. I'm now an AWANA scripture listener.

I cried at work at something because I have unreasonable expectations of myself and fears of being reprimanded. My boss is wonderful and I overreacted entirely. I am helping plan our upcoming staff retreat.

Our roommates moved out and our house is all ours again. We steam vacuumed the house and I love it being clean.

I started a Bible study with my friend an my sister. It's slow going. My sister moved VERY FAR AWAY to Montana.

God is good. I should write more focused posts more often. This has been too much.

SHIN TURNS 32 ON SUNDAY!!!!!

Awesome

I just read this in Ezra 8:

'21 And there by the Ahava Canal, I gave orders for all of us to fast and humble ourselves before our God. We prayed that He would give us a safe journey and protect us, our children, and our goods as we traveled. 22 For I was ashamed to ask the king for soldiers and horsemen to accompany us and protect us from enemies along the way. After all, we had told the king, “Our God’s hand of protection is on all who worship Him, but His fierce anger rages against those who abandon him.” 23 So we fasted and earnestly prayed that our God would take care of us, and He heard our prayer.'

This passage is so awesome to me. Do you see it? Re-read it if you need to. Ezra basically says 'I told the king that my God would protect us and kill the bad guys. And then the king actually believed me and He was gonna let us do what we asked. But then I was scared. I wanted the king's protection. But I couldn't go back and tell the king that, so I had to get everyone to for-real pray about it.'

...and here is the awesome part. God wasn't like 'WHAT?! Ezra?! You think you can talk so big about me and then not actually believe in me and still expect me to come through with it? No way, Jose. You didn't actually think I could do it, so you're on your own.'

Nope, not at all. It says, 'He heard our prayer.' Later on in verses 31 & 32 it says, 'We broke camp at the Ahava Canal on April 19 and started off to Jerusalem. And the gracious hand of our God protected us and saved us from enemies and bandits along the way. So we arrived safely in Jerusalem, where we rested for three days.'

God didn't see their rushed, desperate cry out to Him as an insult to His goodness or His power. He knew their doubt, but He saw it as an opportunity to reveal His gracious hand of protection and salvation. This is SO encouraging. Because it clearly shows that despite my initial intentions, God sees me and hears me and loves me.

Quite often I feel like I talk big or try to look spiritually strong, like Ezra, and then I think 'oh crap! How am I gonna prove that God can actually do it?!' I know, ridiculous. Because I'm not gonna prove God can do anything. All He wants is for me to seek Him and follow Him, and He is more than happy to surpass my wildest expectations for HIS glory, not mine.

So, I think the goal is to believe the big things you say you believe about God from the very beginning. But, just in case you don't, they're still true, and God is able to prove you right anyway.